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Crucial Conversations for Mastering Dialogue

“Dealing with” People Who Believe in Covid-19 Conspiracy Theories

Dear Ryan,

How do you deal with people who have not just a different opinion, but a dangerous one? I’m referring to those who believe in conspiracy theories or other misinformation about Covid-19. Their opinions lead to behavior that puts others at risk.

Signed,
Conspiracy Consternation

Dear Conspiracy Consternation,

I will address your question as it relates to beliefs, not behavior.

I’d like to begin by pointing out that you and those who you say believe in conspiracy theories have something in common: you both believe each other is dangerously misinformed.

This should cause you to pause. If it doesn’t—if you’re offended, or if you think that those who hold these opinions are wrong to believe you are misinformed—then you are part of the problem. You’re contributing to your own inability to “deal with,” as you put it, people who have a different opinion.

I’m speaking directly because I wish someone had been as direct with me when I needed. Recognizing your own contribution here will empower you to make a difference. So, wrestle with it if you must, but know that the sooner you take responsibility for your present challenge, the sooner you’ll be able to meaningfully converse with those of a different persuasion.

A point of clarification: I’m not defending dangerous beliefs or behavior. I’m not suggesting that every viewpoint is equally justified, that merely holding a perspective makes it rational or valid, or that one’s behavior is excusable because he or she believes it is. What I am suggesting is this: regardless of what the facts are or the truth is or whose opinion is more carefully developed or less dangerous, you will not be able to disagree meaningfully until you decide to own the problem.

Once you do that, look for common ground. I’ve already pointed out one belief you hold in common: the “other” is dangerously misinformed. I bet if you dig behind it you’ll find several common values—values of justice, truth, freedom, and safety.

And that is highly curious, don’t you think? You are in company with those who want to preserve similar if not the same values, and yet you find yourself at odds. So, get curious. You have a genuine marvel to investigate. Suspend any desire to instruct others in their beliefs and adopt instead the spirit of inquiry.

And be kind. Nothing has an equivalent power to deescalate a disagreement as genuine kindness. If you don’t feel kind, examine your opinions and see which are contributing. Then disarm yourself. Beliefs per se cannot harm you, they don’t always correspond to the behaviors we think they will, and judging another’s as dangerous doesn’t necessarily make them so. So, take courage and be willing to set yours aside as you explore those contrary to your own.

In short, make common ground your target, and kindness and curiosity your tools. In practice, that might look like this: “I gather that you and I have very different beliefs about Covid-19 and I’m curious to know what you think and how you came to your position. Would you be willing to talk? I also don’t want to argue. I’m genuinely curious and want to understand where you’re coming from.” Then listen, ask questions, highlight when you agree or sympathize with a position.

This simple formula—kindness, curiosity, common ground—will help you establish psychological safety. Once it’s clear you have safety, you can begin to disagree meaningfully. And it will be clear when you’ve established safety because you’ll begin to notice empathy and understanding instead of fear, disgust, or distrust. You might continue, “That’s interesting. I see it differently. Do you mind if I share my perspective? Tell me what you think about this.” If safety is threatened as you disagree—if parties get defensive or combative—come back to kindness, curiosity, common ground. This is the beginning of dialogue.

This approach, by the way, does not preclude you from being direct in your disagreement; it enables you to be so. You can be kind and curious and straightforward.

Our particular challenge today is that we live in era of “fake news,” “alternative facts,” “disinformation,” and conspiracy theories—an era that is called “post-truth”—and yet we fight each other with facts, or what we believe are facts. This is like firing cannonballs at each other in a gravitational vacuum: the weapon has no weight. Those who watch “fake news” don’t consider their news fake, and those who believe in so-called conspiracy theories don’t think they believe in “theories.” We will not reach each other with facts unless and until we reach out to each other.

Now, as simple as that is to read, I recognize the difficulty of doing what I’m suggesting. And yet I’m confident you can do it. Pick a case, put your trust in the principles I’ve outlined, and tread lightly but assuredly. I can attest to their efficacy. Like others I know, I’ve been able to use these ideas to disagree in a way that increased appreciation and respect for opposing viewpoints and the people who hold them. You can do likewise.

I hope this helps as you consider approaching people about their beliefs. But you also raised a point about behavior, and that is another matter. If you encounter dangerous behavior, please report it. Or speak up directly if it’s safe to do so. For tips on how to do that, check out this 90-second video from Joseph Grenny.

Good luck,
Ryan

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The ideas expressed in this article are rooted in the principles and behaviors taught in: Crucial Conversations for Mastering Dialogue.
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71 thoughts on ““Dealing with” People Who Believe in Covid-19 Conspiracy Theories”

  1. FEli

    Will be correct to apply the same approach for people who believe the elections were stole?

  2. Tim Jones

    It is understandable that people would have a degree of distrust in the government and the information that they communicate since there are a number of documented cases of the Federal Government using American (and other countries’) citizens as the proverbial ‘guinea pig’. One of the major ones that comes to mind is the release of radiation primarily in a low-income neighborhood in St. Louis during the 1950’s. When you combine this level of distrust with the mixed and changing messages that come from different government officials and entities, it lays the groundwork for conspiracy theories.

  3. P Manley

    I wanted to post this on Facebook, but I knew the title alone will prevent those that do believe in conspiracy theories to stop reading immediately. I wish the title was neutral. Good article.

  4. Jane

    This is such EXCELLENT advice. Well done.

  5. Pamper Garner Crangle

    This is an EXCELLENT response to this question.

  6. Jalene Palmer

    “Dealing with” People Who Believe in Covid-19 Conspiracy Theories – really good article, unfortunate title.

  7. Jeanne Lay

    I read with interest the Crucial Conversation response on the topic of conspiracy theories. The thoughts presented in the response make me wonder: how broad and deep is the reach of Crucial Conversations? What corporate and political entities take advantage of these services? There is so much common ground to be reached, if we could dissect it, start with kindness, and aspire to define and work toward common goals.

  8. Meagan

    Ryan, I cannot stress how refreshing it was to read this today! Today more than ever, we NEED these direct statements and to learn to find middle ground regardless of our feelings. Thank you.

  9. Roger

    Conspiracy theory?? We’ve been told, masks work, masks have no impact, wear three or more masks, etc. Who wouldn’t be skeptical, especially from a government filled with fraud and mistrust!

  10. Chris P.

    Thank you for the example of how to start such a conversation. Interestingly I’m probably on the other side of the coin as Conspiracy Consternation and I think the approach you laid out is good for all of us.

  11. Jeff

    Great topic, great answer. I have seen a handful of relationships getting destroyed because of this very conversation. It is saddening that the wedge between opposing sides has gotten so powerful. We have to weaken that wedge and the curiosity tool Ryan references is a great weapon choice to break that wedge. Would like to know more about recognizing when the opposition feels “safe” enough to converse. A lot of the people I talk to want to be heard, but, don’t want to listen.

  12. nancy winters

    Questionable title, but terrific article. Discussing today’s opposing opinions cannot only be for purposes of changing another’s opinion. But, as you wrote, it can/should lead to ‘increased appreciation and respect for opposing viewpoints.’ AND…hopefully…to finding that elusive middle ground.

  13. Margie

    This was excellent! I think at the heart of every argument there is some truth. Some information may not be validated but is still valid and should be considered and not automatically dismissed. I’m definitely learning lessons during COVID19.

  14. Colleen

    Misleading or questionable title. There is so much misinformation out there, and to trust only one or two news sources is dangerous. We need to be able to speak freely, share our opinions respectfully, without judgement or views being labelled as conspiracy theories. I think the goal is to be more inclusive with our conversations? If so, ditch the words “conspiracy theories” for a start.

  15. James Brown

    I agree with other commenters that we all need to work on being curious, finding common ground and establishing safety. I also agree that it’s difficult to find the “truth” amongst all those who are talking. But at some point we need to look at the sources of the information and realize that some of the information out there is not political and is not an opinion. If a politician is giving you a “fact” that’s very different then a “fact” supported by the vast majority of medical professionals who specialize in communicable diseases. We have to approach the conversation with care and understanding but at some point it’s not just an opinion.

  16. Yilmaz Rona

    I thought the article on the whole made very excellent points, but skirted around a very crucial idea that I think should have been directly expressed; that there is a possibility that the writer is the one who is wrong, or that the conspiracy theorist knows something that the writer does not.   Or as Oliver Cromwell famously commanded,
    “I beseech you, in the bowels of Christ, think it possible that you may be mistaken.”
    Additionally, I thought the instruction to report “unsafe” behaviors was terribly wrong-headed.  I’ll share some anecdotes from two business managers/owners I know.  One has had to close all but one exit to his store because the health department demands it so that he can accurately keep count of how many people are in the store to ensure that he meets capacity limitations.  The other has been instructed to keep multiple exits open, so that customers have a dedicated entryway and exit.  These contradictory rules are all predicated on “safety”.  Both men have been reported to the health authority for violating these strictures and threatened by fines.  Yet, the rules are utterly contradictory.  The world would be better off if the owners were freed to decide for themselves how to set up their businesses in order to balance the risks to their customers against their business’ profitability, and to adjust their actions based on customer response and the knowledge gained from witnessing the outcomes of the decisions they, their neighbors, their competitors, etc have made. 
    Reporting people to the authorities for violating poorly formulated, ill-considered and often contradictory rules increases the fear and suspicion in our society rather than decreasing it.  It generates an emotional culture that hinders free and open conversation rather than fostering it.
    In my opinion, what constitutes safe and unsafe behavior is actually up to our individual judgement.  A lung cancer survivor who has only one lung may be less safe wearing a mask than walking around without one, and harassing him is just making his life even less bearable.  Or it’s possible that the health authorities have got mask-wearing totally wrong and by reporting scofflaws you are actually harassing the person who got it right and subjecting them to unjust ‘correction’ by the authorities.   That way we can more quickly figure out what are the optimal responses and measures to deal with the virus and learn what measures are ineffective or counterproductive.  
    A top-down monoculture where dissenters are punished is not one that finds optimal solutions; they are associated with suffering, poverty, and inefficiency.
    I do what I think is safe.  I respect my neighbors for doing what they think is safe.  I can try to persuade them to do things differently.  I can avoid situations where I think they are endangering me to a degree that I choose not to tolerate.   

  17. Isaac Molina

    I read a great book CRUCIAL ACCOUNTABILITY and I know there are others in the collection from the same authors, one called CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS. Great tools to assist in this topic. If we believe the Laws of Humans include: Everyone Acts in their own self-interest; Everyone has different interests; Resources are limited so we must choose; The “system” that people operate in tends to drive behavior….than I think I absolutely agree, trying to find Mutual Purpose with kindness is critical to having these difficult conversations. The challenge occurs when values differ around what is harmful or disrespectful. It is really touch to have a conversation with someone who sees violence as an immediate solution, because they are dug into their beliefs.

    What are your suggestions for trying to peacefully engage with individuals who are adamant about their viewpoints and unwilling to even have conversations devoid of threats of violence? When their is hatred involved, what are good ways to possibly diffuse hatred?

  18. Isaac Molina

    I’ve read Crucial Accountability. Amazing book! What ideas do people have about working to engage in peaceful constructive conversation with others wherever hatred exists? Facing hatred I believe can only be successful from a place of peace and kindness, however by what measures or boundaries do we operate from in order to prevent harm from taking place? This is a challenge.

  19. Erin

    So how do we present the truth when the response is “that’s just fake news”? When I found out a relative was believing the political lies being spread in addition to the COVID conspiracy theories, my inclination and action was to ask what the issue was, what was their belief, and I had planned to research and provide facts to ponder. I also stated that maybe I, too, will find things that I should think about. Then the insurrection happened. When I learned this relative was a supporter of the riots and was despondent at the failure to reinstate the last president, I could not bring myself to be supportive or to make an effort to provide the truth to this person. I’m not sure, because I have found these people are not forthcoming with their true beliefs and won’t admit to generally socially unacceptable behavior, but I am guessing this person is less likely to be a racist, but is following religious extremist websites and YouTube videos that she recommended to me. She truly believes that Satan is now in the Whitehouse. It seems the only way to get the truth to be believed is for their beloved leaders to speak it. That is not going to happen. Not from the past president and not from these religious leaders, Republican lawmakers, or leaders of extremist groups that have other goals in mind. This is obviously dangerous. How does the truth get out and accepted by those who believe the lies? If not to accept the truth, but to at least accept the democratic peaceful process. How do we do that?

  20. Micah

    Great advice. I was scared to read it with all the nonsense I’ve seen over the past year, but this can apply to everyone. If you can edit it, I would remove the word ‘political’ from the sentence, “… the sooner you’ll be able to meaningfully converse with those of a different political persuasion.” May help with the comments section and help make your point. Thank you Ryan!

  21. Kathy Slattengren

    It’s hard to have a conversation when people cannot agree on facts. When someone believes whatever they decide is a fact is just as valid as any experts, where is the common ground?

    For example, there are people who believe the earth is flat. They are teaching this to their kids. Some are dying (Mike Hughes, Feb. 2020) trying to prove the earth is flat. While it’s not a particular dangerous belief, it demonstrates the issue.

    https://physicsworld.com/a/fighting-flat-earth-theory/

  22. Maria l

    Winning them through education and active involvement

  23. Petra Liverani

    “Conspiracy theory” is a loaded term. Surely, no one would deny that conspiracies occur and that explaining them will be on the basis of evidence, not theories.

    The Australian Department of Health has admitted – as have other health authorities – that they do not have on record documents showing the purification of alleged virus, SARS-CoV-2. Additionally, there is no scientific work showing a causal link between the alleged SARS-CoV-2 and the alleged virus illness, COVID-19, which, according to the CDC website does not have a distinctive set of symptoms.

    Right there you have a clearly-evidenced problem with scientific method, nothing to do with theory.

    Of course, if the very notion of the alleged COVID-19 pandemic being a fabrication is outside your paradigm of how the world works, the evidence will be meaningless. To accept what evidence tells you, you need to accept the possibility of its significance inside your framework of possible reality. It’s very difficult to accept something alien to what you believe is possible even if the evidence indicates it. For example, if someone told you they could fly you simply wouldn’t believe them, right? If they took off into the sky, you’d think a machine was aiding them (and, obviously, we absolutely know for a fact that humans cannot fly and a machine would have to be responsible). Similarly, if the notion of fabrication of the COVID-19 pandemic is utterly alien you will not believe it and your mind will simply ignore or somehow explain away the evidence presented to you. The thing is, can we know for a fact that fabricating such a pandemic is not possible?

    “A truth’s initial commotion is directly proportional to how deeply the lie was believed. It wasn’t the world being round that agitated people, but that the world wasn’t flat.

    When a well-packaged web of lies has been sold gradually to the masses over generations, the truth will seem utterly preposterous and its speaker a raving lunatic.

    ​The ideal tyranny is that which is ignorantly self-administered by its victims. The most perfect slaves are, therefore, those which blissfully and unawaredly enslave themselves.”

    Donald James aka Dresden James
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donald_James

  24. Audiomind

    Some of the largest purveyors of conspiracy theories are the very people that are the so called experts that have been making claims about covid, when the data demonstrates the exact opposite. Might want to research more to ensure that you in fact are really the victim of someone’s opinion.

    https://www.cato.org/blog/how-one-model-simulated-22-million-us-deaths-covid-19

    https://rationalground.com/after-nine-months-we-still-know-masks-dont-work/

  25. James J. DeFrancisco

    It would be interesting to see the results of applying this advice.

  26. Mark Kennedy

    This is a great, simple model for any kind of situation where two people see things differently. I remember using this approach in a labor/management situation (after a colleague had exacerbated the situation by not using this approach to dialog) and getting a totally different, positive result. Creating a safe environment for conversation and genuinely listening are critical first steps to dialog. Yes, sometimes we end up acknowledging that we can’t agree on a matter but we can do so without hurting the relationship.

  27. Andy Kelly

    Good article.

  28. Julinda

    Excellent article, but I wish you had not used the term “political persuasion” as you did. COVID-19 is not a political issue, although it’s definitely affected by politics. I know people from various “political persuasions” who take the virus very seriously.

  29. J

    Ryan, as much as I respect the general approach you are promoting, this is a dangerous topic for people to believe conspiracies about. We’re not talking about politics, 9-11, or belief in UFOs, Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster. Covid kills. Entertaining false notions from those who are vulnerable and believe in conspiracy due to personal circumstance is life-and-death serious. Do you know anyone who has died from Covid? A lot of us do, including myself.

    I have a very intelligent sister who is a lawyer and founder of a reforestation non-profit for over 20 years, who lives in Central America in a community of ex-pats who are there to understandably escape Corporate America etc, who lives – alone – in a serious “dis-information bubble.” She believes the vaccine is a “depopulation vaccine” that has been designed by world governments to kill us. She wants to come visit us sans vaccine and mask. We have a 3-month old, and I am 50. No, she can’t visit. It’s not even a conversation.

    Please don’t accuse those of us who stand for scientific facts and common sense, and who won’t allow conspiracy to creep in and endanger us, as “close-minded.” A line has to be drawn somewhere. The well-being of my family is where I draw mine. I’m not sorry.

    Again, this isn’t politics or about other opinion-related topics. This is about serious health concerns, including a life-and-death disease that is fairly easily avoided. I truly don’t understand how anyone can condone entertaining dangerous conspiracy, especially someone like you with the bully pulpit in this case.

    In the “Post Truth” age it is important for reasonable, rational people to promote the truth.

  30. K.I.

    This article is written amazingly neutral. Ryan, thank you for doing this! I was surprised to see so many replies. Our nation is divided, as never before, if such insignificant topic may cause such a ripple.
    I try to be supportive of both people who hate conspiracy theories and folks who believes in those. Is it worth to loose a friend, if he or she may have different believes?
    We don’t question atheists or Christians/Buddhists/Muslims/etc. We accept them.
    There would be less violence if everyone start treating each other with respect and accept other points of views, even if we disagree, otherwise we will follow Lenin’s and Stalin’s paths, when any disagreement was root terminated.

  31. Scott Stein

    No conspiracy theorist here…but looking at and tracking the data on Johns Hopkins, also not a true believer that Covid (2% fatality rate) is even relatively close to the Plague (50% fatality rate in the Middle Ages) as some with to portray it. To try to talk with anyone about the data only gets me shunned and dismissed as an “out of touch” nut. It seems that I cannot have a difference of opinion without being marginalized by others who will not answer my challenges using data.

  32. Tina M Reeves

    SO refreshing to read something so positive! Imagine trying to find common ground in today’s arena instead of the bickering and slamming when any news comes on!

    Though your encouraging article was directed primarily at the current events, I pictured a conversation I had with my 20-year old recently. With her young and differing mindset, I must always first be kind then, as your article states, be curious about why she thinks the way she does and how she comes up with the ideas she does – in the most respectful manner possible. If she realizes I am respecting her outlook, she happily engages in a deeper conversation with me.

    And above all, do not attempt to sway the other party to your opinion!

    Thank you so much for your uplifting, timely article! I will be forwarding it to others!

  33. Andrew T.

    Ryan,

    A few months ago, your group published a response to a similar covid question. I don’t remember the specific question, nor do I remember the details on the response. I do remember that my reaction to the response was disappointment. The response did not reflect the quality work/thought your group normally puts into these examples.

    Now, reading this, my response is a hearty approval. What you posted is excellent. Thank you.

  34. Conspiracy Theorist

    So, I ask you Mr. Ryan Trimble , or rather contemplate… just how do we “deal with” those that oppose our thoughts and our beliefs?

    Surely, we can’t allow for individuality and or the right to question the world around us. Those who questioned in the past should be utterly chastened and scorned by our 21st century enlighted society. Perhaps they should not have questioned things so we could continue to prescribe smoking to pregnant women, use lead paint, build with asbestos, use talc powder, spray Round-Up, perform lobotomy’s and prescribe those highly effective opioids. Surely, those people who questioned that our world is not flat not so long ago… must repent as we all knew that was not true.

    America is supposed to be place where competing ideas are debated, contested, questioned and ultimately coexist. Why would anyone question the vaccine? I thought we believed for “inclusion”, “diversity” and “tolerance”, or was that just a fancy slogan to for a bumper sticker? Personally, I think is that those people are covering their insecurities and fragmented souls with a garment of moral and cognitive superiority.

    It’s a subversive way to convince ourselves that if we compel others to think like us, we don’t have to worry when we’re wrong… because we’re all wrong. Modern day society doesn’t allow for individualism, group thought is your new master, you can’t live with your decisions, people must look to someone to tell them what to believe, what to think and what to be. This is a compulsion and it can’t stop until the world is all like them.
    We have created a language of political correctness that is censorship. We have allowed the voice of the group, or whoever claims to represent the group, not only to speak for the individual, but sometimes to shout down the individual if his or her story does not fit with an approved narrative for which they push.

    So, Mr. Ryan Trimble, if that questioning my world, proposing alternative ideas, and believing in the individual spirt, I guess I am a conspiracy theorist. I don’t I have the perfect answers and neither does anyone else, but if you have conviction, then your answers are perfect for you.

    Plus, I’ll call BS on this article right off the bat, “I’m speaking directly because…. Paragraph, try to relate emotionally to the audience to gain their trust, oldest trick in the art of deception hand book.

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